The Noon of Night
by chicabonita51983
Summary: What if Edward did not save Bella as Tyler's van slid towards her? Twilight/AU
1. Prologue

_**Author's Note:**_

_I do not own Stephanie Meyer's characters. _

It was evening here,  
But upon earth the very noon of night.  
- _Purgatorio_ (canto XV, l. 5)

-Dante

**Prologue**

All I heard were people screaming my name. All I felt was the pain. It coursed through my body and seemed to extend past my fingertips. I smelt my own blood, but the pain overruled any discomfort the smell could give me. I felt the hot, sticky liquid on my stomach and knew that this was no small amount of blood.

It happened in slow-motion, it seemed. I was standing at the tail-end of my truck, admiring the snow chains Charlie had put on my tires when I heard the screeching of other tires on the icy asphalt. I watched in horror as Tyler's van slid to pin me to my own truck.

Instantly, all I saw was red, but all my other senses were still in tact. I fought to breath. _Just breathe. You will live, Bella, you will live._

But despite the pep talk I was giving myself, I felt the life drain from me. People always say that your life flashes before your eyes, but mine didn't. All I could picture was Charlie and Renee, the two people I loved most in the world. How would they survive this? Their only daughter finally managed to kill herself after all the chances she had before.

"Bella!" A cold hand was on my neck as a desperate, beautiful voice called out my name.

I blinked, and the red disappeared for a moment as I focused on the face of the man who said my name with such anxiety.

"Edward?" I whispered.

And everything went black.

I awoke with a start. For so long, I was blissfully unaware of the pain from the accident, but now what woke me was an entirely new type of agony. It felt as if I was being burned from the inside.

I was in hell. I had to be. Where else could so much pain be inflicted on a person? I wondered when I would see Satan himself.

I started screaming and thrashing around, almost as if I was trying to expel the pain from my body. Suddenly, cold hands were around my wrists, trying to hold me down.

"Carlisle, how long is this going to last? Can you not administer more morphine?"

I heard the musical voice above my screams. _That voice. I know that voice._

"No, Edward. Any more morphine would kill her before the venom could. It's only been one day, and so much damage to her body to erase. I'm afraid you will just have to be patient."

I could not comprehend the riddles that were spoken above me. All I could focus on was the pain, and prayed that God would save me.

The pain seemed to last for years, but finally I felt it abate, first from my fingers and toes, and slowly up my limbs.

"Look! She's almost complete! Look how beautiful!" a fairly-like voice exclaimed.

"Really, Alice. How could you be so excited for this to happen to her? She was so young, and had her whole life ahead of her…" Another high-pitched voice responded.

This time, it was a third voice that rang. "Rosalie, you know she was practically dead. We are giving her a new life. Besides, perhaps this is what Edward needs after all of these years."

"Just like you and Carlisle thought it was me that Edward needed," the voice named Rosalie answered.

My heart was pounding now at an exceptional speed. It felt as if it were racing against something, racing for its life. I felt no fire in my limbs now, just in my chest. I couldn't breathe, the pressure was so intense. Now I was sure I was dying, if I wasn't already yet.

The pounding lasted a moment longer, and then silence.

My body was dead, I could feel it. But I was still here. What happened? How could this be?

"Bella?" the first familiar voice called out. "Can you hear me?"

Slowly, I opened my eyes to the new life around me.


	2. Chapter 1: A New Life

_**Author's Note:**_

_Thank you all for your reviews ____ I decided to post this chapter now, since I have six already finished. _

_I do not own Stephanie Meyer's characters. But I do own an ipod touch._

**Chapter 1: A New Life**

I opened my eyes to see seven beautiful faces peering down at me. One face felt very familiar to me, four felt vaguely familiar, and two were complete strangers. They were so beautiful. Their skin was almost translucent and their eyes were the color of topaz.

What struck me immediately was the change in my eyesight. I always had 20/20 vision, but I could see so much clearer now. It was like seeing life for the very first time; I saw a crack in a wall eight feet from me, a spider spinning its web in another corner, and little flecks of dust circulating in the air. And the light! How beautiful it was! It was almost as if I could see each color of the spectrum separately.

It seemed as if I could hear much better, too. I heard the distinct breaths of all seven people in the room, and I could swear I heard the sound of a river in the distance.

This was unbelievable.

Suddenly, all the impossibilities of my senses awoke my suspicions. In less than a second, I jumped from the bed and into a crouch, hissing at the strangers. This was so unlike me. I was never quick, and I was never graceful. And I definitely did not hiss at people.

Immediately, the largest man moved to protect the group, but the man with the most familiar face was the one who spoke first. "Bella?"

I turned to him and possibly gave him an evil stare because the man who seemed to be the leader stepped forward. "Bella, do not be afraid. We're your friends and here to protect you."

His voice sounded sincere enough, so I stood up from my crouch. "Who are you, where am I, and what did you do to me?" I spoke faster than I had ever before. What was going on here?

Once again, the familiar face, the one with the bronze hair spoke. "Bella, do you remember me?"

"I… I… I mean, you look familiar, but I do not remember you."

"Biology class?"

It finally all came back to me. I remembered him staring me down with a look of hatred on his face and black eyes. But instantly, I remembered the day of the lab, when he was friendly, but kept interrogating me about my move to Forks.

"Edward Cullen?" I whispered.

He gave a crooked grin and laughed a little. "Yes, and I am sure you have seen my brothers and sisters around, as well." He turned to the group of people observing what was going on. First, Edward pointed to the large man who was protecting the group. "This is Emmett."

"Hello, Bella," he greeted. I nodded and smiled a little in return.

Next, Edward directed my attention to a small, pixie-like girl who looked as if she was full of energy. "Alice," Edward introduced. She just gave a huge smile. "Jasper," he pointed to a blonde man who was smaller than Emmett, but still was quite tall. He smiled at me in greeting. "And Rosalie."

Rosalie was by far one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. It was her greeting that confused me, though. She gave me a large smile, but in her eyes, I saw a sense of unhappiness and pity that I could not understand.

I smiled to all of them and said, "I have seen you around school before, so you are not complete strangers."

Edward smiled at me, but then pulled aside the two remaining people. The blonde man was the man who calmed me down after springing from my bed, and next to him was a beautiful brunette. "These are our parents, Carlisle, and Esme."

Carlisle merely smiled, but Esme took a step forward and said, "Welcome to our home."

Carlisle spoke again, "So you now know who we are, and where we are, but now for the harder answer…" He trailed off and looked at Edward to continue.

"Bella, how much do you remember about the accident a couple of days ago?"

Well, I hadn't remembered anything until he mentioned it. The memories came flooding back, though, and I remembered Tyler's van heading right towards me and the pain coming from my abdomen.

I took a deep breath and answered his question. "I remember being hit by Tyler's van and being injured severely. My stomach was bleeding and it wouldn't stop."

Edward nodded, "And afterwards?"

"I remember a fiery pain. I thought I was in Hell," I shivered just thinking about the memory.

Carlisle interrupted here, "What would you say if I told you that you were going to die from the accident, and so we saved you by unconventional means."

"Unconventional?" My eyebrows furrowed. What could he mean?

"Have you ever thought about any differences between my brothers and sisters and the rest of the school population?" Edward inquired.

"Well, yeah. You all are just… _so_ beautiful. Your skin is so pale, it's almost translucent… And your eyes. One day they could be black as night, but the next, a beautiful topaz."

"Have you ever stopped to wonder why?" Edward stepped closer.

"Well… Not really."

"Do you believe in mythical creatures, Bella?" Edward's eyes were so intent on mine, that I got completely lost in them. I couldn't even remember anyone else was in the room.

"I… I never really thought about it." Where was this headed?

"We're vampires, Bella."


	3. Chapter 2: The Truth

_**Author's Note:**_

_Thank you all for the kind reviews ___

**Chapter 2: The Truth**

I stopped breathing, instinctively sucking in my breath, but it didn't take long for me to realize that I didn't even need the air.

_Vampires. He has got to be pulling my leg. But why didn't I need to breathe anymore?_

"Bella?" Carlisle asked hesitantly. I heard Alice give a little giggle.

"Vampires?" I whispered.

Edward nodded.

"Like sleeping in coffins, coming out in the middle of the night to drain people of their blood and being burned by the sun type of vampires?"

"Not quite," Edward smirked. "The only thing you got right was draining of the blood. Don't you feel the burning in your throat?" I nodded. "You're thirsty."

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. This was just too much. It had to be a nightmare. I went to go sit down on a couch and put my head in my hands. Once again, it occurred to me that I moved too quickly for a human Bella to do without tripping and hurting herself.

"So you expect me to go kill a person to satisfy my thirst?" I felt as if I could have a panic attack. My chest seemed to tighten and my breaths came quickly as I looked around at the Cullen's faces to obtain some answers.

"No, dear," Esme gave a soft smile. "We are only a few of the vampires who do something different. We don't drink human blood."

"What do you drink?" I muttered.

"Animal blood." For the first time since greeting me, Emmett spoke.

I felt as if I was going to throw up. Except I found that I couldn't, apparently because I was a vampire.

"Animal blood," I repeated in a whisper.

"Our eyes are this color because we don't drink human blood," Alice explained. "Hold on a minute." Alice ran out of the room and was back in a flash with a mirror.

"Alice, not yet!" Edward exclaimed.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Really, Edward. She needs to look at herself eventually. It's best she just gets it out of the way." Alice came directly in front of me and held out the mirror for me to look at myself.

I was beautiful. For the first time, I actually liked my appearance. I was the same color as the Cullen's and my hair looked even healthier than before. But those eyes. Were they mine? Again, I felt panic rising.

I reached out to grab the mirror from Alice's hands, but the handle crushed in my hand, like it was made of tissue paper. I stood up suddenly. "What did I do?"

I was scared. But I wasn't scared of who I was with, I realized. I was frightened of myself. I kept picturing my beautiful face with those blood red eyes and the mirror's handle crushing beneath my hands.

"Bella, vampires are extremely strong. And as a newborn, you are even stronger," Edward rested a hand on my shoulder. "You just need to learn your new strength."

"And my eyes?" I questioned.

Alice answered, "They are blood red because your body is still full of your own blood. As you hunt animals, it will slowly fade to the color of our eyes. That is, if you want to stay with us," she trailed off, her eyes turned downward.

She was questioning if I wanted to stay with them. But what choice did I have? I couldn't go out on my own. I didn't know how to survive. I probably would end up killing innocent humans.

What they said must be true. They wouldn't be able to live in a place for so long as more and more people went missing or were found dead. They would be found out, eventually. Besides, they wouldn't be able to work or attend school with blood red eyes. Carlisle was a doctor, as well. He would have to avoid plenty of temptation in his line of work.

No, I had to stay with them. I needed to learn how they overcame the thirst and the temptation of human blood.

I took a deep breath and stated, "I cannot leave, but can somebody please just tell me why I am a vampire?"

"Edward asked me to save you," Carlisle answered quietly.

I looked at Edward with a question in my eyes. "Why?"

"I don't know, Bella. I just couldn't bear to think of you dying. You are a life to be saved," Edward answered quietly, looking away.

"So I was going to die if I wasn't turned?"

"Yes," Carlisle nodded.

"How did you manage to get me to change me? There must have been doctors all around the hospital."

"Luckily, I am one," Carlisle grinned.

"So why didn't _you_ change me?" I turned to Edward.

"Remember when I looked as if I hated you?"

"How could I forget? I couldn't even think what I had done to make you abhor me so much."

"It wasn't that I hated you, Bella. It was that I wanted your blood. I was fighting not to kill you right there in the classroom."

I took a deep breath in. "Oh." I paused a moment before stating, "That still does not explain why you didn't change me."

"I was afraid once I tasted your blood, I wouldn't stop," Edward's head hung down, almost as if he was ashamed to admit what he just told me.

"But if you wanted my blood so badly," I put my finger on my chin, "why didn't you just kill me when I was bleeding from the accident?"

"I held my breath. And by that point, I couldn't even imagine seeing you dead."

"Oh." I couldn't understand his feelings. Why did he feel so obligated to save me? I barely knew him and could only be insignificant to his life. He was an enigma I had to figure out. "So, you _do_ change people by biting them?"

"Yes," Carlisle answered. "Biting them, but not drinking them. The venom needs the blood to circulate throughout the body."

I didn't know what to feel. Should I be happy for these people for saving my life, or should I be upset that… "Wait, are vampires immortal?"

"Yes," Rosalie stated simply, her eyes full of pity again.

So should I be upset that I'm given an immortal life? How would it feel going from one day to the next, knowing that it would never end? I knew I had to give up my former life. I looked too different; I even _sounded_ different. On top of it all, I would never age. I will remain trapped in a seventeen-year-old body forever. I wouldn't be able to talk to Char…

Hold on. What about my parents? I voiced that question.

"Bella," Carlisle gently began, "you have to understand that you will not be able to see them again. They believe you have died. A close-casket funeral is scheduled for tomorrow."

Of course it had to be a closed-casket funeral. How can they bury somebody who really wasn't dead?

I thought of Charlie, and of Renee, and even Phil. What were they doing right now? Were they mourning together, mourning their only daughter that will never return? A daughter that barely had a chance to live?

Alice broke through my reverie, "Bella, I know how hard it will be to accept this; but believe me when I say that we only did this to help you. We're here for you now and will try to make this transition as easy as possible for you."

I scoffed at what she said. _Easy? How is being transitioned into a vampire supposed to be easy?_

"I think I need some time alone to digest this." I looked around at all the vampires. "Please," I added.

"Of course," Esme smiled. "But you shouldn't for very long. You're only to become thirstier as time passes."

I nodded. Of course. I needed to drink blood. From animals.

"Alice, honey, could you take Bella to the guest room?" Esme asked.

"Of course," Alice skipped towards me and took my hand. "Come on!"

She dragged me out of the room into a long hallway with closed doors on either side. We passed three before she finally opened a door to let me in. It was a beautiful room. Everything was done in either light green or cream. The walls and carpet were cream, while the curtains and bed were done in a pale cream. There was also a wall border near the ceiling of an ivy vine.

"I hope you like it," Alice commented.

"I do," I smiled, "thank you."

"And I also hope we can be good friends," Alice stated, almost timidly. "It'll be nice to have another sister around."

I liked Alice. She seemed positively genuine and I could tell whenever she was in the room, there was bound to be a lot of energy.

"Thank you, Alice. I hope that we could be good friends as well."

She smiled in reply before exiting the room and quietly closing the door.

I settled on the fluffy bed to sort through all the emotions that flooded through me. I felt overwhelmed by the different feelings: joy, anger, confusion, and uncertainty. None of the emotions were really dominant; instead, it seemed to be one big ball of tangled rubber bands.

I couldn't help feeling happy. I was given a second chance to live. How many people really have that chance? This moment, my body could be in the morgue, waiting for my funeral tomorrow. Instead, I am alive in a way with a group of vampires who seemed to want to take care of me.

But I still could not help but feel anger. I was turned into a vampire without any choice. This was not saving my life in a traditional way. It wasn't as if I were saved and given another fifty or sixty years to live. This was _eternity_. I thought about my future. How was I supposed to graduate high school, go to college, settle down in a career? For that matter, how was I ever supposed to get married, have kids, enjoy retirement and grandchildren? I was stuck at seventeen for the remainder of my life.

Not to mention my family. They took me away from them. I would never see them again.

On the other hand, Carlisle himself said that my body was not able to be revived. It was either face death and whatever was on the other side, or to be given this new chance at life. Another fact I had to consider was that I could probably learn so much more, read so much more, see so much more with time on my hands. There was so much of the world to see, and maybe now I could see it all.

And why me? I know Edward said that I was a life to be saved… whatever that means… but that still does not explain it all. He must have had some understanding that if I were turned into a vampire, I would most likely be living with his family. Did he expect it to be forever? Or did he think I would be "trained" and sent on my merry way? Did he want me around forever? If he did, that only would bring me back to my first question: _Why me?_

I have to say, though, I was flattered. Edward Cullen was one of the most beautiful beings I had ever lain eyes on, and for some reason, he wanted to give me eternity. If I was still human, I would have blushed just thinking about how intense and beautiful his eyes were when he was talking to me in the other room.

My whole existence now was uncertain. Where do I go from here? Obviously this must not be Edward's or his siblings' first time through high school. Did they just continuously go to school, learning the same things over and over again? Will I ever be able to attend college and maybe even get a job somewhere?

Another thing that scared me was the blood-drinking. As I sat here on the bed, I could feel the burn in my throat become stronger by the minute. I knew that meant I was thirsty, but as I thought about it, I could not imagine feasting myself on the substance whose smell always made me faint. And to kill an animal… I was no animal rights' activist, but it didn't mean I didn't enjoy and value their existence.

I wonder if I would still crave human blood, too. If "normal" vampires feasted on humans, and the Cullens were unique, does that mean all vampires still want human blood above animal blood? Edward even admitted that he had to keep himself from murdering me in the classroom because the smell of my blood was so strong. What happens if I fall prey to that weakness and kill a human? Would I ever be able to live with myself?

As I digested all these thoughts, I came to one conclusion: I was a vampire. Everyone I knew thought I was dead. I needed to drink blood to survive. And I was going to live forever.


	4. Chapter 3: A Sign of Life

_**Author's Note:**_

_Thank you all for your reviews as always ____ They are greatly appreciated!_

_The song in this chapter is "Sign of Life" by Leann Rimes_

**Chapter 3: A Sign of Life**

_Break down  
Shattered  
My reflection is scattered  
Like ashes in the wind  
I'll begin again_

As my thoughts settled down as much as they could, I realized I could hear several conversations throughout the household. Not only could I hear them, but I could hear them _distinctly_. I knew by the tone of the voices that they weren't yelling. It shocked me at first, before I remembered that I had the same realization when I could hear a river within the four walls of the house.

I was surprised that none of the conversations revolved around me. I am not vain, but I figured that at least some of the dialogue would revolve around having a newborn vampire in the house.

I slowly opened the door and all the conversations stopped. Apparently they were able to hear a little sound like that as well. Entering the hallway, I soon found the top of the staircase that wound its way to the first floor. While walking down the staircase, I took in the surroundings.

The house was very open; as if at some point in its history, walls were knocked down to make one large room. To my right was a dining room with a very elegant dining set; probably placed there as a disguise. Straight ahead was a raised portion of the floor with a beautiful baby grand piano. To my left, the family room, where everybody was congregated in little groups. Edward, Alice, and Esme were together on the couch, Carlisle and Jasper formed another group where a cluster of seats were located, and Rosalie and Emmett were huddled in their own corner, having a private conversation. It was apparent that they were a couple.

At the back of the living room, the wall was converted into windows stretching from the floor to the ceiling, letting the afternoon sunlight filter in. The house was truly beautiful.

"Are you ready to go hunting, Bella?" Carlisle was the first to acknowledge my presence.

"I think so… At least I know I have to," I answered.

"Well, we talked about it, and think it is best if you go with Alice and Jasper, if you don't mind," Esme smiled.

I briefly wondered why it would be best to go with those two, and replied, "Of course, I don't." I made a mental note to ask Alice why it mattered who accompanied me.

"Come on, Bella," Alice waved me to the back door, where the three of us stepped outside. At once I was bombarded with all different scents. I could smell the woodsy smell of trees, and the fresh scent of grass. If I took a deep breath, I smelt each of the individual types of flowers growing around us.

Besides the smell of plants, I caught a whiff of a different type of smell; it reminded me of raw meat, a smell that instantly made the burn in my throat stronger. I felt an instinct surge within my body to find that smell and take advantage of it.

"Ready, Bella?" Alice asked with a sly smile. In an instant, both she and Jasper were gone. I couldn't guess how fast they went, because in an instant, I couldn't even see them.

"Guys?" I cried out, "where are you?"

I heard Alice's voice answer from the distance. "Just follow your senses and run!"

_Follow my senses?_ It was then I picked up smells I hadn't associated with Alice and Jasper yet. Alice had a sweet smell laced with lavender, and Jasper was almost like cedar. I was able to deduce what direction they went, and within an instant, I was off running.

It occurred to me now that Human Bellawould have been motion sick with the speed I was going. But vampire Bella loved it. It was as if I was flying through the air; as if my feet never touched the damp ground. I felt the breeze on my cheeks and saw nature all around me.

I ran, and ran, yet realized that I wasn't growingtired. I hopped over tree roots and leapt across tree trunks. I did this for several minutes, following the scents of Alice and Jasper, while listening to Alice's laughter. Finally, I caught up to them to see them both smile at me.

"Why'd you do that?" I expected to be out of breath, but was pleasantly surprised when I felt no sign of exhaustion at all.

"It was the easiest way to begin teaching you to use your senses," Jasper answered.

Alice was almost bouncing with excitant. "How did you enjoy your run?"

"Amazing!" I knew she must have seen how my eyes showed my excitement. "Why hadn't you told meabout the speed I can go?"

"It's always better as a surprise," Alice laughed.

The brief moment of silence let me ponder on what I was about to do. A nervous expression must have settled upon my face, because Jasper told me, "Don't worry, Bella. It will be all right."

As he said these words, I felt a sense of calm settle over me. It was as if Jasper had a magic touch to make me feel unworried. Well, even if it was just my imagination, I let the calm remain in my psyche. It was better than worrying myself sick about the source of nourishment in which I was about to indulge.

"So what do we do now?"

Alice was the one to reply. "We are going to let you use your senses to locate a herd of deer. We talked about it earlier and thought it may be easier for you to watch us kill the deer…" I flinched at the thought, but Alice continued, "And just let you drink from what we killed. If you are still thirsty, you can try on your own, or else you can try tomorrow or the next."

I nodded. "So how _do_ you kill the animals?" I was afraid it was going to be painful for the poor deer.

"We break their necks," Jasper answered my question. "It's a quick death, and they feel nothing."

I nodded again, relieved that the animals shouldn't feel pain.

"Okay, Bella," Alice instructed, "close your eyes and use your scent and hearing to find the herd. We will follow where you go. Don't try to complicate what you're sensing by talking about it."

I nodded for the third time, took a big breath, and closed my eyes. Cutting out my sense of sight, I was able to focus on the scents and sounds around me. I heard the slight breeze rustle the branches of the trees and the leaves on the ground. I heard more leaves rustling, as if a small animal, a squirrel, perhaps, was searching for its food that it buried. I heard the breaths that Alice and Jasper took as they watched me.

Then I focused on the scents. Once again, the woodsy smells overtook me, but the strongest, the most desirable, was the smell of fresh meat. I felt my nostrils flare as I took the smell in, mentally preparing myself to savor the flavor it took. I turned slightly to the right, where I felt the smell come from, and I was off. I distinctly heard Alice and Jasper take after me, but I ignored them. All I wanted was to drink, to satisfy the thirst.

As I saw the small herd of deer, I forgot my instructions. Instead of waiting for Alice and Jasper to take down the animals, I let my instincts overpower me as I lunged, took two bucks in my arms and twisted their necks until I heard the sickening crunch of their necks.

Without thinking about what I was doing, I knelt down to the first buck and found the artery in its neck. The warm and sticky fluid flowed down my throat and I found that I only wanted more. It was a delicious feeling, better than eating as a human. I found more satisfaction with the blood than any meal I had ever tasted.

When I was done with the first buck, I was only eager for more, and I quickly went to the other animal. As I turned, I caught Alice looking at me in shock, but also with pride. I could tell that she wasn't expecting me to be able to kill on my own, but was glad that I was able to let my instincts take over.

Without another thought, I leaned down to finish off the second deer.

"I gotta say, Bella," Jasper began as we slowed to a walk after running back from our hunt, "that was pretty amazing. You took those bucks down like a pro."

Alice agreed. "I definitely thought it would take a couple more tries for you to be able to kill on your own, especially after your reaction at learning you had to drink blood."

I smiled in reply, but inside, my thoughts were turning again. I knew I handled it pretty well, but after my thirst was quenched, I couldn't help but think about what I did. I just drank _blood._

_Oh, give me a break, Bella, _my subconscious told me. _It's not like you ever ate meat before. You've even had venison._

Still, somehow eating meat and drinking blood seemed drastically different. But what could I do? I may not have been aggressive or assertive, but I was one for survival. I had to do what it takes to survive.

As the forest cleared and I began to see the house, I remembered to ask about the reason Alice and Jasper were picked to take me hunting. I didn't mind, but I had to admit, I was secretly hoping Edward would be the one to take me.

I stopped where I was, not wanting to get any closer to the house where people could eavesdrop. When Jasper and Alice noticed that I had stopped, they turned around with questions on their faces.

"Guys, can I ask you something?"

Jasper nodded, "of course."

"Was there a reason you and your family decided I should go with you hunting? I mean, I don't mind, you guys were great teachers, but I wondered why you had to have a family discussion about it."

"Oh!" Alice's eyes widened in surprise. "I didn't realize you would notice that." She paused for a moment before continuing. "Well, Bella, we don't know why it happens, but sometimes when a vampire is born, certain abilities develop in some."

"Powers? What kind?"

"Oh, all different kinds. Jasper and I have two totally different powers. I can see the future…"

"Like a psychic?"

"Not really," Alice shook her head. "I cannot see a definite future. It can change when a person's decisions change. It's very subjective."

"Oh." I still wondered what this had to do with the decision for them to take me hunting, but I figured Alice would get to the point eventually.

"Jasper's power has to do with emotions. He can sense the emotions from people around him, and he can also…" Alice seemed to be searching for the best word. "He can also _manipulate_ them."

"I wouldn't say manipulate," Jasper smirked, "It seems to have a negative connotation."

Alice rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to me. "Well, he can change people's emotions. He doesn't ever use it for his own sake; he uses it mostly to calm people down."

"Oh," I nodded. That explained the sense of calm I got from him before the hunt.

"Anyway," Alice continued, "we thought it was best that we went a long so I can make sure nothing bad would happen with my abilities, and Jasper would be there to calm you if you, you know, got freaked out."

That made sense. They wouldn't want a newborn vampire going crazy or having an emotional breakdown in the middle of the woods.

"Do all vampires have gifts?"

"Not all," Alice shook her head. "In our family, it's only me, Jasper, and Edward who have gifts. Edward can read minds."

My eyes widened. Did that mean he could hear when I thought that he was one of the most beautiful creatures in this world and that I was flattered that he chose me to be with his family forever? I was horrified! It was almost as if I could feel the blood I just drank rise to my cheeks. Before I could ask about Edward reading _my_ thoughts, though, Jasper included a crucial fact.

"Well, he can read every mind except yours, Bella. He thought it would change after you became a vampire, but it hasn't."

_Oh, thank God! _

"Yeah, it's weird, "Alice continued with a confused expression on her face. "He noticed it the first day you showed up at school. You are the only one whose thoughts he cannot hear. He was quite frustrated with it, actually."

All of a sudden, another human memory came back to me. I remember that conversation in Biology not so long ago when he said I was difficult to read, even though everybody else thought I was an open book. Now I understood why, and I was inexplicably pleased by the thought.

"Well, we better get back to the house. If we don't, they will come looking for me."

"Is that something you see?" I teased Alice.

She laughed a fairy-like giggle. "Yeah, but now it's changed since we made the decision to continue home."

I laughed, too. Maybe this new family wouldn't be so bad after all.

Alice and Jasper snuck me in the back door and upstairs to my room. Apparently it is very easy to become messy the first couple of times a vampire hunted. I was told to go take a shower and that Rosalie would put an outfit on my bed for me. It hadn't occurred to me that I had no clothes with me and that I had woken up from my transformation with clothes that weren't mine.

"And then after you're all cleaned up, you, me, and Rosalie will shop online for clothes for you!" Alice had looked like she was practically bouncing with the anticipation of shopping. "I mean, shopping at the mall is much more fun, but we can't take a newborn vampire out to a crowded place, now can we?"

I was never much for shopping, but it seemed as if Alice may make it fun.

I found myself smiling as I stepped out of the shower and dried myself. I quickly combed my hair, put a bathrobe on, and went back to my room. On my bed was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that said "I heart what's his name." I laughed at the shirt, but put the clothes on anyway.

I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and then opened the door to go back downstairs when I stopped in my tracks. Across the hall, Edward was leaning on a closed door, hands in his pockets and eyes down-turned. When he heard the door opened, he quickly looked up to meet his eyes to mine.

His eyes nearly took my breath away again. They were so intense and to make it even worse, he seemed to be searching my eyes with a look of concern.

"Hi," I squeaked. _Way to go Bella! You may no longer be human, but you sure still have your insecurities._

It was a moment before he even said anything, and it wasn't a greeting. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head, almost as if I was trying to shake confusion from my mind. "Sorry? Why?"

"For asking Carlisle to change you. You never had a choice, and I just made the decision for you."

I looked down, even more insecure now. "Do you regret it?" I questioned quietly.

"No, not at all!" he shook his head vehemently.

_My God, his eyes. I think I could stare into them forever._

"Then why are you apologizing?" I bit my lip.

He shrugged, "I just thought the way you were acting, you were angry before you went hunting. You seemed upset."

"Well, what did you expect? I was just told I was a vampire!" I scoffed. He didn't respond. "Look," I rubbed my forehead, "I cannot say that I don't still feel a little anger that the decision was made for me, or that I won't still need some time to adjust, but what's done is done. I need to learn to deal with it and go on with my life."

He nodded. "Okay." His head turned as there a burst of laughter came from downstairs. "Do you want to come play Cranium with us? We're just setting it up."

Cranium? Vampires play board games?

Edward laughed, "Yes, I know, vampires do _some_ normal things," he teased. "We can't sleep so we need something to occupy our time."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind!"

"Alice and Jasper told you about that, huh?"

I nodded.

"I didn't read your mind. Your confusion was all over your face."

"Oh." I was embarrassed now. He couldn't read my mind, but apparently he was somewhat good at reading my expressions.

"Come on, you need to be my partner. All the others are paired off," his eyes pleaded for me to agree.

"Okay," I laughed. "I'll play with you."

"Thanks," he gave me the crooked smile that I saw him wear so many times. "Ladies first," he added, holding his arm out to direct me downstairs.

I had a great time playing Cranium. I was amazed to see how the whole family interacted so easily with each other, and honored to realize they all seemed to want to include me as one of the family.We laughed through the whole game as we competed for the top slot. Edward and I didn't win, but we did come in second, right after Alice and Jasper. It made the time pass quickly as twilight turned into nighttime.

After the game was over, Alice, Rosalie, and I sat around the computer to order clothes, although I might as well not have been there. Alice and Rosalie basically made all my choices for me. My opinions basically didn't matter much, especially when it came to my objections about the price tags. They assured me that money was no object and to shut my mouth and let them shop.

In the end they had ordered me everything from underwear to winter coats to a formal evening dress, even though I had no idea when I would wear such a dress.

"Trust me," Rosalie attempted to assure me, "you never know when the occasion would call for it."

I just shrugged and let them do what they pleased.

As the night drew to a close, I still felt a nagging pain for the memories of my family. What must Charlie think? What about Renee? I would bring this up in the near future. But I was already starting to feel like one of the Cullens, and deep down a part of me was insisting that they were going to be the greatest family a vampire could ask for.

_It's a sign of life  
To be so confused  
You jump and it feels  
Like you're falling_


	5. Chapter 4: When the Lights Go Down

_**AN: **__Once again, thanks for the reviews. I go back to school full time tomorrow while working part-time, so I don't know how often updates will come… I do have several chapters written after this, so we'll see when I update._

_The song: "When the Lights Go Down" by Faith Hill_

**Chapter 4: When the Lights Go Down**

_When the lights go down  
And there's nothing left to be  
When the lights go down  
And the truth is all you see_

When you feel that hole  
Inside your soul  
And wonder what you're made of  
Well we all find out  
When the lights go down

As Alice and Rosalie finished up their shopping expedition, Esme came into the room and asked to talk to me.

I walked arm-in-arm with her to the kitchen, another room that was furnished for disguise. When we reached the island in the middle of the room and turned to Esme with a question on my face.

"Dear, do you remember yesterday what we said was today?"

Searching my memories took a lot less time than when I was human, so it was less than a second when I answered, "My funeral."

My funeral. Today was the day that Forks was going to say goodbye to its newest and shortest-lived resident. They day when Charlie and Renee and Phil were going to say good-bye to their daughter. I felt my breath catch in my throat.

"There is also a memorial at school before the actual funeral. School is actually closed for today and all of our kids are going. They aren't really expecting Carlisle and me, though. For one, we never knew you during your life and Carlisle has to work at the hospital today. So I am going to stay home with you today. I just wanted to let you know where everybody is going when they all get dressed up in black."

"Oh," I looked down at my feet, biting my lip. It felt weird, actually. They were going to mourn me only to come back to the house where I was living again. I wondered who else was going to show up. I couldn't imagine the whole school going; it wasn't as ifI knew everybody at school.

And then I had an idea that I didn't know how Esme would take. I wasn't sure where it came from but I suddenly knew ferociously that I had to be there. "I want to go."

She gasped, "No, Bella. I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? It's my funeral. I… I…," I felt sobs constrict my chest as I searched for answers for her and for myself. "I need to have some kind of finality to this."

"What if someone sees you?"

"I'll wear some kind of disguise and stay hidden somewhere. I'll be able to see everybody and hear what they say."

"What's going on?" Emmett entered the kitchen with Rosalie in tow. "What's this about you coming along?" he addressed me with a frown.

"I want to go." If anything, I was stubborn.

"Why? Don't you think it would be too much for you?" my new brother did seem concerned for me.

"I need to."

"No you don't." This time it was Edward who came into the crowded kitchen. "You don't need to get all worked up again."

"Besides, Bella," Emmett spoke again. "There will be humans there and you're a newborn vampire. Not to mention you're supposed to be dead."

"Like I said," I pouted, "I can be in a disguise and stay hidden."

Edward frowned, "I don't like this idea."

Suddenly I had an idea, "Ask Alice if anything is going to happen."

As if on cue, Alice entered the kitchen and the conversation. She looked as if she was concentrating. "She'll be fine," she looked at her family members. "Esme and Emmett are going to stay back with her, and…" she paused to concentrate again. "Bella is going to struggle, but Emmett will keep a hold of her, and Bella will stay away from the humans. They'll be safe. Nobody will recognize her, either."

"So that settles it," I answered with a satisfied smirk.

"Bella…" Edward was pinching his nose. "I don't think…"

I closed my eyes to calm myself. "You know, I didn't get this choice, so the least you can give me is the closure that I need."

It was that comment that finally quieted Edward and the rest of the family. I knew I had won that argument.

Now came the hard part.

__________________________________

Rain.

How perfect for my funeral.

I gazed at the crowd of people gathered outside of the school. It really did seem that the whole town came out for this. I guess that is one thing about small towns – they stick together for everything, even if it means going to the funeral of a girl you hardly knew.

I could see Edward, Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie at the back of the crowd, sticking out as usual with their beauty. In the front, I could see my parents. Charlie had a blank look on his face, Renee was sobbing into a handkerchief, and Phil looked devastated and lost as he tried to comfort my mother.

I saw Jessica, Mike, Angela, and Eric, all huddled together, crying. But Tyler… he looked like hell. I could only imagine what he felt at my funeral. I'm sure he was guilt laden, knowing it was his van that crushed me. I wanted so much to go to him, to tell him that I was okay. I was alive.

I was standing behind some trees with Esme and Emmett, who had his hands securely around my waist in case I wanted to bolt towards the humans. I did find it extremely difficult not to go after them, but after being fed less than twenty-four hours ago, I was able to distract myself from the intense burning in my throat and the venom filling my mouth.

Between the wardrobes of Esme, Rosalie, and Alice, we had been able to procure a black straw hat that had a wide brim that covered the top part of my face and a black coat that had a collar to hide the bottom half. I was pretty sure we were hidden well enough, but we wanted to make sure that if somebody did see me, they would not recognize me.

I couldn't believe that I was standing here. At my own funeral. It seemed so surreal to see all these people come together for me, and, of course, for Charlie. Everybody knew him and wanted to console him for the death of his daughter.

I listened as the principal talked about the student that he barely knew. What he did know, whether he knew from his observation or from other teachers, he expressed in eloquent words.

"Bella Swan came to this school in uncertainty. She was the 'new girl' in a small school, yet she adapted with the grace only found in a small number of people. She quickly made knew friends and showed teachers her intelligence, especially in English and Biology. It is with great sadness that we remember her short time here in Forks. Today will be forever known as one of the saddest days in our history. I now invite anybody who would like to say a few words to come up to the podium."

One by one, Mike, Eric, Jessica, and even Angela walked to the podium to speak about the short time they knew me. What shy Angela said about me particularly touched me. She shared how I didn't need to fill silence with endless chatter and how I never pressed Angela to talk about things she didn't need to share.

As Angela sat down, I nearly fell over when I saw who went to speak next. I turned around to Emmett and mouthed, _Edward?_ He merely shrugged, obviously not knowing that Edward was going to do this. Esme smiled softly.

As people noticed that it was Edward making his way through the crowd, a quiet murmur spread through the crowd. The Cullens were known to keep themselves in school; no doubt, people wondered if I had ever even talked to him. I had… but only once.

I didn't even notice I was holding my breath when Edward began to speak in his beautiful and elegant voice. "I barely knew Bella Swan. In fact, I only talked to her once for the short time we sat next to each other in Biology. But Bella's character immediately struck me as unique. I found that not only was she intelligent as she easily helped me complete our lab; but on top of this, I could tell that she was truly kind, honest, and down-to-earth. The speeches given by her friends and the crowd here onlyshow that in the short time that Bella was with us, she was able to find room in our hearts here. And no doubt will her memory remain with us for the remainder of our time here beyond Forks High."

I could have sworn that as Edward finished, he stared right at me and gave me a little smile. Even through the tightness in my chest, constricted from holding in repressed sobs, I gave a small smile back. Edward, I could tell, would be a good friend to have for an eternity. I realized he did what he did for me. It was a little way to show me he was glad that I was now in his family.

Before I could ponder on Edward's actions any more, I gasped as I saw my father stand near the podium. Something told me that this was not going to be easy to listen to. I braced myself to hear Charlie's pain, but I couldn't have nearly prepared myself enough.

"I still remember the day Isabella was born. Wrapped in a pink blanket, Isabella looked so innocent and vulnerable and I loved her instantly. While gazing down at her angelic face, I swore that I would protect her forever." Charlie took a breath, fighting back tears. "When she moved to Arizona, it was like my heart went with her. Seeing her in the summers was not enough for me."

For the first time as a vampire, I felt weak. All strength and energy drained from my body and my chest constricted even more than it already was. If it weren't for Emmett's hold on me, I would have been in a ball on the ground.

"The news that Isabella was going to come live with me gave me new life. I knew I had missed many father-daughter moments and I hoped to make it up to her. We settled easily into life together and she made certain that I was comfortable and well-fed." Charlie smiled a little at the memory of me declaring that I would make dinner every night. "I was sure that I would love every minute of the next two years as Isabella finished high school and moved on to college. I never imagined that those years would be cut so short." Charlie's cheeks were now full of tears as he openly wept for his daughter; for me. "Now all I see when I close my eyes is that scene from that day as I rode up in my cruiser. I was already deeply concerned for whoever was hurt, but I never expected to see her."

Charlie couldn't even speak any longer. His eyes were closed and he gasped for breath as he struggled to speak. My weakness was giving way to panic as he attempted to collect himself. I could feel my body beginning to shake and Emmett's grip tightening around my waist.It was a minute longer before Charlie finally was able to talk again.

"But I don't want to pause any longer on the bad memories. Isabella was the best daughter a father and a mother could have, and as demonstrated here today, the best friend and student." A pause as he stared into the sky. "I love you, Isabella."

Despite my struggles to stay calm, despite Emmet's strong hands holding me, I snapped. In an instant, I was out of Emmett's reach and running blindly, madly. My mind had no room for thoughts of Emmett or Esme, whether they may be following me, or of where I was going. Only my grief and guilt remained as I flew into the woods. I was long gone before the rest of the Cullens knew I had even left.


	6. Chapter 5: One More Murder

_**A/N: **__All you reviewers and readers rock! _

_The song is "One More Murder" by Better than Ezra. _

_This chapter is short, but intense. *ducks and runs*_

**Chapter 5: One More Murder**

_One more murder in this town  
It don't mean a thing  
Just lock your doors and drive around_

One more murder in this town  
Don't worry the rain'll wash the chalk marks  
From the ground

I must have run for miles, choking back sobs as I ran along. I missed the feeling of running as a human; after the eventual exhaustion numbing all except for the pressure in your chest. I wanted to feel numb so I could not feel the emotional pain that was coursing through me. This pain was even worse than when I was changing.

Out of all the abilities vampires had, why couldn't they turn back time? That's all I wanted; to be able to turn back time before the crash. I would make sure that I wasn't behind my truck when Tyler came sliding into the parking lot. I would be safe on the sidewalk, away from any danger.

I would go to school as usual. I would sit at lunch with my friends, sit in Biology next to Edward, who would undoubtedly not talk to me, and eventually return home to cook Charlie dinner.

With turning back time, life would go on as such. I wouldn't have to bear the memory of my father in tears at the podium, or my friends who I had just made, yet who still missed me. I would look in the mirror and see my plain self, with my normal brown eyes. I wouldn't need to feel beautiful. I would be perfectly happy with the way I was.

Now I was stuck in this un-changing state. This blood-thirsty being with red eyes that would never sleep and never eat anything but blood. I was a monster.

Why did I insist on going to the funeral? Was I masochistic? I must have known I would see my father and mother. What did I expect them to look like? Happy with smiles on their faces? Apparently being a vampire did not stop me from making stupid decisions.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a scent stopped me. It was delicious. Much more delicious than the deer I had eaten yesterday. It had a spicy sent to it, with a touch of roses. Immediately, my mouth began watering with venom as I stopped to take in my surroundings.

With the scent flooding my senses, where I was was of no importance. What I wanted to know was where that smell was coming from and how long it would take for me to get to it.

I closed my eyes and felt the wind on my cheek. It was coming from the North, where the animal must have been. The smell was very strong, and I had to force myself to keep still. I needed to attack swiftly, but calmly, and I had to keep quietly so that I did not scare off my prey.

I heard the rustling of leaves as my prey walked. Suddenly, my prey spoke.

"Bella?" It was no more than a whisper, not meant for me to hear.

I opened my eyes to see Eric Yorkie staring at me in disbelief. Why didn't I notice he smelt so enticing when I was human?

"Yes?" I heard my musical voice call out through the silence.

"You're dead!"

"Yes, I am." I gave him an alluring smile.

"Are you a ghost?" He took a step closer to me. _Stupid boy._

"Maybe." I gave him a dazzling smile.

Somewhere within me, I heard my conscience call out to me to stop, to turn around, but the monster in me quickly quieted her.

"Why don't you try to touch me and see for yourself?"

That was all it took. He was close enough for me to reach out, snap his head, and sink my teeth into his artery.

It was pure bliss. I never tasted anything so satisfying. Deer blood had nothing on this. It was just sweet enough with a hint of spice, like red pepper. As I drank, I vaguely wondered what Eric was even doing in this part of the woods.

_Eric. My friend, Eric._

Satiated, my monster retreated, and my conscience could finally scream out at me. In shock, I dropped Eric's lifeless body and let out a blood-curling scream.

Then everything went black.


	7. Chapter 6: Swan Dive

**A/N: **_Sorry this took a while. I'm juggling being a full time student, working part-time, and being a wife :-P I feel bad since I left the story off at a cliff-hanger._

_Thank you all for your reviews! And the song is "Swan Dive" by Ani DiFranco_

**Chapter 6: Swan Dive**

_I've got a lack of inhibition  
I've got a loss of perspective  
I've had a little bit to drink  
And it's making me think  
That I can jump ship and swim  
That the ocean will hold me  
That there's got to be more  
Than this boat I'm in_

I was floating, flying.

I heard the even breathing directly next to my ear and felt the wind run through my hair.

I smelt the most delicious scent. It was the beautiful smell of honey, but it wasn't a scent that made my mouth water in hunger. It was a scent that I wanted to be next to forever; to breathe in, to taste. It was comforting; it was home.

Slowly, I faded into unconsciousness again.

I woke up screaming as Eric Yorkie's face invaded my thoughts. I could see nothing else. He was lifeless and drained of the life-sustaining liquid that used to pulse through his body. In my thoughts he was asking _Why me? Why?_

Instantly, I felt a pair of firm arms envelop and the strong scent of honey overwhelmed my senses. Instinctively I moved closer to the body that held me.

I looked up at the man whose arms held me; it was Edward's beautiful face that I saw. It must have been Edward who found me in the woods, as well. Had he left my side since? I realized with a jolt that I was unaware how much time had passed.

I heard footsteps rush up the stairs as the door was thrown open. I looked as I saw Alice and Jasper, followed by Emmett and Rose, and finally Esme rush into the room. They all looked worried as they stared down at me. Edward nodded his head as if answering somebody's unspoken question.

I heard their voices and saw their lips moving, but my brain would not register their words. Alice leaned down to smooth my hair, and Rosalie was giving me her pitying look again. I felt Jasper try to send a wave of calm, but my emotions, which I could not quite describe, were too strong to let a wave of calmness overwhelm me.

I knew they were all trying to ask me questions by their expressions as they looked down at me. Worried expressions were turning into frightened expressions as I remained silent. I couldn't answer even if I wanted to; I had no idea what they were asking.

It didn't matter; all I wanted to do was to die. I knew I was already dead physically, but I wanted my soul to be dead. I wanted to cease to exist. I deserved it after what I did to Eric. I was a monster. I was evil. And I didn't deserve my second chance at life.

I wondered how my new family could even bear to be around me now. It had barely been a day since I was changed, and I already went against their "vegetarian" lifestyle. I was a failure already; an outcast. I should have known: as a human, I didn't fit in very well; of course it could only have carried over to the vampire world as well.

I noticed as everybody filed out of the room except for Edward and Alice. They weren't talking out loud, but I could see that they were having some sort of conversation. After a minute or two, Alice left, and it was just Edward and me.

I heard his voice talking, but every sound was still muffled. It irked me that I could not hear. After a day of having extraordinary senses, to have the loss of one of them was terrifying. I could still see and smell as a vampire should, which gave me some comfort, but I wondered when my hearing would return, or if it would even come back.

I lost track of time as I lay in a nearly-catatonic state. I only noticed as different members of my family took turns watching over me. I was able to notice to that Edward and Alice spent the most time with my by far. It was them who would spend some time holding me on the bed, as well. The other instances, they sat in a rocking chair in the corner of my room, where everybody else spent their time.

Carlisle didn't spend much time watching me, but he did come in many times to look into my open eyes with a light. He would always end the examination with a sad shake of his head. I knew he had probably never seen a sight like this. I couldn't be sure, but I had a feeling vampires just didn't go into comas. I vaguely wondered if I was the first vampire who ever did this. I couldn't be, I rationalized, not when vampires existed for thousands of years.

The sun set and rose and my family came and went. I noticed that after a while, it was Esme that sat with me during most of the sunlight hours. I wondered where everybody else was.

It was one of these times when I realized I could hear again. I heard the distinct breaths Esme took in and let out, as well as every time she turned the pages of the book she was reading. I attempted to talk.

"Esme?" It didn't sound like my voice. It was hoarse and quiet, but of course it was loud enough for my adoptive mother to hear me.

"Bella!" In an instant she had her book down and was by my side, eagerly looking at my face. "My darling, are you okay?"

Immediately, tearless sobs overtook my body once again and I felt Esme's comforting touch as she held me. All I could say was, "I'm sorry," over and over again. I wasn't sure who I was apologizing to. Was I apologizing to my family, whose lifestyle I ignored in a moment of weakness, or was I apologizing to Eric, who would no longer live? Maybe I was apologizing to his family, who would no longer see his face, hear his voice, or hold him. I did to his family what my death did to mine.

After what felt like hours, I finally quieted as Esme rubbed my back in soothing circles. "Honey," she spoke softly. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Nothing to be ashamed of?" I cried. "I killed a human, a human that was my friend! I am a monster!"

"No you are not!" she contradicted, pulling back so she could look in my eyes. "If you are such a monster, why do you feel so badly about this? A monster would take people's lives and not think anything of it." She paused before continuing, "You are not the first in this family to 'fall off the wagon' so to speak, Bella. We all struggled and still struggle at times."

"Have you killed a human?"

Her answer was simple. "Yes." Silence fell on us before she continued. "So have Edward, Emmett, and Jasper. Rosalie has, as well, although it wasn't in this sense." She paused as if to consider whether or not to continue with more details. "But that is her story to tell, not mine."

In a way, it was comforting to know, but I had one more question to ask. "Did they ever kill a friend?"

Her silence told me all I needed to know. The others had killed, but never a friend.

"You have to understand, Bella, that we don't normally make close relationships with humans, and once we were turned, we had no interaction with our previous lives. You did, today. Do you know what a feat it was for you to be near that crowd of humans today and _not_ even struggle to run towards them? How much control it took to resist the scent?"

But I didn't have control when I was alone in the woods. And an innocent life had been taken because of it.

Just as I was thinking these words, the door opened as all the children rushed into the room, all with anxious expressions.

Alice took one look at me sitting up, and ran to leap herself into my arms. "Bella! You're okay!"

If it weren't for the situation I was in, I would have laughed at her exuberance. She, as well as the rest of the family, seemed truly glad that I was talking again. I could not understand this. How can they be glad to see me all right when I killed a human? I was a murderer; shouldn't they be repulsed by me?

"What's wrong Bella?" Alice pulled back from our embrace to look at me, worry etched across her face.

I shook my head as if to clear it. "How could you all be glad to see me? I killed…" I gulped, "a friend."

"Oh Bella!" Alice hugged me again. "It's not your fault. I should have been paying attention to your future, and one of us should have gone after you immediately. We believed you needed time alone, and we never thought somebody would be hiking in those woods back there. It's our fault."

I shook my head vehemently. "I hate it when somebody uses the excuse that it was somebody else's fault. A person's actions are nobody's fault except her own."

Silence settled over the room and I apologized once again.

At my apology, Jasper set forward and took a seat at the foot of the bed. I could see pain and guilt on his face. Somehow I knew I was partly the reason for that. I remembered that he could feel all the emotions in the room, and I had a suspicion that mine were the strongest.

"Bella," Jasper spoke, "I know what you are going through. Every day I struggle when I am near humans. There is nothing I want more some days than to drink the blood of half the population of Forks High School."

I winced at his confession, but I noticed it didn't faze anybody else in the room. In fact, one by one, they left Jasper and Alice alone with me to talk. It was then that I realized that Jasper and Alice weren't just good friends, as I believed before. The love that Alice was expressing towards Jasper took my breath away and I found myself desperately wanting to feel the same emotion. I wondered if that was even possible now that I was a vampire.

I waited for him to continue.

"Throughout the day at school, Alice has to keep close tabs at my future, and Edward has to be constantly listening to my thoughts."

"Is that where you've all been the past few days? At school?"

"Yes."

It didn't surprise me that they would continue attending classes. After all, they really had no connection to me and had to continue with their lives. I vaguely wondered what the atmosphere was like in school. Was it back to normal as if I never existed, or was there a sense of sadness among the student body?

"How often did you give in to your cravings?"

"In the past, too many times to count." Jasper shook his head, "And always I felt extreme guilt just as you are feeling. You're not alone in this, Bella." I pondered what he told me before he continued. "I can't say that you will always be like me, craving human blood constantly. As you can see from the rest of the family, they are able to control their cravings much better than me."

I gave a wry smile as I remembered something that Edward told me. "Except when it came to Edward's craving for my blood."

Jasper matched my smile, "You were definitely a unique case. I never saw Edward so torn when he thought about killing you."

"Torn?"

"He wanted your blood more than anything else," Jasper explained, "but he couldn't bear the thought of turning his back on our lifestyle. He feared letting Carlisle down most of all." He smirked, "Besides, Edward liked you."

_Liked_ me? I saw no evidence of that when we were in school together. All I remember from him is his look of hatred and then just innocent, polite curiosity about my life. I wanted Jasper to clarify _how_ Edward liked me, as a friend or something more, but I was too embarrassed to ask.

Alice spoke for the first time during our conversation, "Do you feel better now?"

I didn't answer immediately as I pondered the question. Did I? I still felt immense sorrow for Eric. I still could not believe what I did to my friend; but I felt better in the sense that I knew I wasn't alone with my cravings. I expressed my feelings to Jasper and Alice, who both gave me a hug.

"Now let's get you changed and go downstairs. Everybody is so happy that you're back to being Bella. I'll be right back."

Alice practically ran out of the room, with Jasper following her. Less than ten seconds later, Alice returned with a blue silk dress. I shook my head at her.

"Why do I need to wear a silk dress?"

Alice rolled her eyes like it was a silly question. "Why shouldn't you?"

I definitely was not in a mood to argue, so I quickly changed into the dress. It was sleeveless and had an empire waist. The skirt flared down to where it came mid-thigh.

"Alice! I can't wear this!"

She rolled her eyes again. "You have fabulous legs, you should show them off."

"To whom? My family who's all paired off?"

She smirked, "Edward's not, and he's like any other man who enjoys seeing a good pair of legs once in a while."

I knew if I was still human, I would be bright red by now. I didn't know how I should feel about the thought of Edward looking at my legs.

Alice threw a pair of blue shoes with three-inch heels down at my feet.

"Alice, I draw the line at the shoes."

"Who wears a dress that short without a good pair of stilettos to showcase your legs? Really Bella," she scoffed.

I sighed and put on the shoes. I didn't really know why I didn't argue with her. Old Bella would have. Maybe it was my bad mood, or maybe I really had a secret desire for Edward to notice me.

As we ran downstairs, I was amazed at my new agility in the high heels. I was running in them and didn't even trip once. Maybe I could find a new love in cute shoes now that I knew I wouldn't fall with every step I took. That certainly would make Alice happy.

I noticed that Rosalie and Emmett were nowhere to be seen, and Carlisle must still have been at work, so that left Esme, Jasper, and Edward in the living room, each with a book in hand. As Alice and I galloped down the stairs, all three looked up at us, all with different reactions at my dress.

Esme gave Alice a disapproving look, Jasper looked amused, and Edward, well, his mouth just about hung open as he looked at me. Once again, I knew I would be beet red if I were still alive.

Alice stopped suddenly and turned around to me. "Bella, you haven't been out of the house in almost a week. Don't you think you should take a walk?"

I shook my head, "Alice, I'm not dressed for the cold, and I don't want to…" I wanted to say that I was afraid of running into a human and giving in to my cravings again. My mouth burned with thirst, and I realized that I hadn't hunted in a week, and from what I understood, newborns had to feed more often than mature vampires.

"Silly Bella! We have coats, you know, and Edward will go with you."

I saw Edward give Alice a sharp look, but Alice just looked back at him with one eyebrow raised as if warning him against messing with some unannounced plan.

Edward immediately rose and cleared his throat. "Of course, Bella. I could use a walk."

Alice squealed and ran to grab a jacket for me. Why did I have a feeling that she was up to something?

Wordlessly, I followed Edward out of the door wondering what would come of this walk.

_And they can call me crazy if I fail  
All the chance that I need  
Is one-in-a-million  
And they can call me brilliant  
If I succeed  
Gravity is nothing to me  
Moving at the speed of sound  
I'm just gonna get my feet wet  
Until I drown..._


	8. Chapter 7: A Hand to Hold

_**A/N: **__Thank you all for your reviews. You guys rock!_

_This chapter catches up to what I have posted at . So now I will update here whenever I update there._

_Song: "Hold" by Superchic(k)_

**Chapter 7: A Hand to Hold**

_Tell me that it's gonna be okay  
Tell me that You'll help me find my way  
Tell me You can see the light of dawn is breaking  
Tell me that it's gonna be alright  
Tell me that You'll help me fight this fight  
Tell me that You won't leave me alone in this_

Edward and I walked silently towards the river. I didn't know exactly what to say to him. Other than the first day that I was completely changed, we hadn't had a full conversation. I knew that he spent the most time with me while I was unconscious to most things around me. I also knew that on some level, he liked me, but I still had no real answer why he decided to change me into the animal that I was now.

I needed the answer.

I stopped short in my tracks, hoping that Edward would follow suit. As soon as he realized that I wasn't walking anymore, he turned around, and with raised eyebrows, asked me silently why I stopped.

"Why did you change me?" I asked simply.

His eyebrows furrowed at my question and he answered, "I told you why."

I shook my head. "I need a real answer. You said that I was a life to be saved, but there has to be a better reason. Many people who are good die each day, but you wanted me to be alive, even if it meant I would be around forever. Why?"

Edward only stared at me with his beautiful eyes. They were black today, just like the first day in Biology class. I wondered if it meant he was hungry. I had noticed after Alice and Jasper hunted with me, their eyes had become a deep amber color.

"There has to be a reason, Edward." I knew I sounded angry, and I had to admit, I was. I had just started to come to terms with being a vampire when I faltered and killed my friend. Now I wanted to know why I was put in this place in the first place.

Edward hung his head, contemplating his answer. Finally, he spoke. "You answered your own question." I gave him a perplexed look.

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted you around forever," he confessed.

"Oh." I bit my lip. What was I supposed to make of this? He barely knew me while I was alive, yet he made a decision to change me when it meant life or death for me.

Edward seemed compelled to continue. "I know this probably came as a shock to you. I don't know what made me decide at that moment as you were dying; I just knew I didn't want to let you go."

"Why me?"

He took a step closer and gave me his beautiful crooked smile. "Why you? Because you are kind, unselfish, intelligent, loving, loyal… Do I need to go on?"

I lowered my head and shook it.

Edward took another step closer to me and reached to push some hair out of my eyes. "Not to mention beautiful."

At his last statement, I looked up to see his eyes gazing down at me. There were emotions swimming in his black orbs that ranged from worry to love. To see all those emotions took my breath away. I didn't know exactly how I felt. I was flattered, of course, but I barely knew him. I knew that I didn't love him, but I definitely was attracted to Edward. I also knew I wanted to become friends with him. He was the reason why I had a second chance at a life and I could sense his love and loyalty to his family.

Despite all this, I disagreed with his last statement. I shook my head again. "I wasn't beautiful before; I was dreadfully plain. Only after I was changed did I see a little beauty in myself."

"Yes you were, Bella. You never were plain to me. You never saw yourself for what you were if you think you weren't beautiful."

If I still had a beating heart, it would have been fluttering by now. It did not take me long to realize that this man could make me melt into a puddle if he wanted to. However, I didn't need love right now. I wasn't ready for anything like that while I was just several days old as a vampire and I just killed a human.

Besides, even if I were ready, I couldn't see how Edward would want me after what I did. To escape Edward's gaze, I began walking towards the river again. He followed close behind me.

"Edward, how can you be so kind to me after what I did?"

"Bella." I hated to admit that I loved the sound of my name on his lips. "You're not bad for what you did. It could have happened to any of us. It could have happened to me the first day in Biology. You don't understand how close I was to deciding right then and there to kill _every_ human in that room. I almost convinced myself to do so."

"But you didn't."

"I easily could have. I wanted to. It took everything I had to get away." I thought of his unnaturally hasty exit from Biology that first day and resumed walking. Edward reached to stop me again. "Every vampire craves human blood in some way." He paused as if he was reconsidering his words. "Well, I can say that about everybody but Carlisle. Centuries of dedication and control have made him everything but immune to the scent of human blood."

"Esme said that you have killed humans in the past."

"I did," Edward confirmed. "I went through a bit of rebellious stage and left Carlisle for a while."

"Why did you?"

He shrugged. "I guess it is like how teens have their rebellious stages. In my eyes, Carlisle was my father who set the rules. I decided to go against them." He paused again. "I tried to tell myself that what I did was right. I discovered that with my ability to read thoughts, I could put my skills to use. Instead of attacking helpless humans, I only murdered those whose minds were guilty of a major infraction. I went after rapists, murderers, and child molesters."

I nodded as I considered Edward's words. "What happened?"

"I realized that what I did was still monstrous. I had no right to be anybody's judge here on earth."

"Oh."

We continued walking in silence for a minute before I realized that I did not know his story. I was curious to how he became a vampire in the first place. I asked him.

"Carlisle was working at a Chicago hospital during the Spanish Influenza outbreak. My parents and I were admitted, but they did not make it. I was dying as well, and at that time Carlisle was by himself. He carried me home when I was on the brink of death and changed me."

"What year was it?"

"1918," He smirked. "I was born in 1901."

"Wow."

"Carlisle has only changed those that are dying. He feels as if he has no right to take anyone's life when they are strong and healthy."

"Is that a reason why he chose you?"

"That… and that my mother's dying wish was for him to save me."

"What about the others?"

Edward smiled at my question. "I will not go into details, but Esme was changed because she attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff." He paused, obviously waiting for my reaction.

I gasped. "Why?"

"She lost a baby." I did not say anything. How can one react to such a tragic event? Edward continued, "Rosealie was found…" He stopped to consider his words. "She was found beaten nearly to death. I do not feel comfortable telling you her story. It is best for her to share it herself." I nodded. "Emmett was found nearly mauled to death by a grizzly bear by Rosealie. She carried him all the way home, afraid to change him herself."

"What about Alice and Jasper?"

"Jasper was changed in the 1800s. You need to hear his story from himself, as well. It's a very interesting one. Alice doesn't know what happened to her. She awoke alone. She saw visions of Jasper as well as our family, and that is how she found us."

I decided to revisit our discussion about his rebellion. "If you thought you were so monstrous for murdering criminals, why don't you feel the same way towards me?"

"Many reasons. I know that Jasper is not a monster, yet I have seen him slip many times, and I see and hear what he thinks in his head. Yet, he is one of the kindest, smartest individuals I have ever known. And look at you. You are torn inside. Your depression and anxiety are not emotions of a monster, Bella. Monsters do not have consciences."

"It doesn't take back what I did."

"No, but I am willing to bet that your emotions that you are feeling right now will override any future desire you have for human blood." We reached the river and stopped by its edge.

"How do you know?"

"I don't. But I am beginning to know _you_, along with how compassionate you are."

We stood in comfortable silence until I whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?" Edward looked down at me, searching my eyes.

"For being a friend."

He gave me a crooked grin. "You're welcome. I am enjoying every minute of it."

We chatted about trivial matters for a while. We spoke of music, literature, movies, and other forms of entertainment. For the time that we chatted and laughed, I almost forgot about all of my troubles. I was enjoying learning about Edward and sharing myself with him. I knew without a doubt that we were establishing an everlasting friendship.

After about two hours, Edward brought the subject of hunting to the conversation. "You really need to hunt, Bella."

My eyes must have widened in fear because he reached to take my hand. "You will be fine, I promise. Around here, humans rarely, if ever, hike."

"I'm afraid," I whispered.

"If you want, you do not have to hunt, per say."

"What do you mean?"

"I can hunt the animals; all you have to do is drink," he offered.

I thought about the suggestion. It seemed less risky than if I were to go into hunting mode. Once I was focused on feeding, any scent could make me lose control.

"Okay," I agreed.

We spent the next hour hunting. Edward first hunted deer and elk for me to drink, before he hunted for himself. As he hunted, I admired his ability to take down several animals at once. His style was quick and graceful; he could take down three or four animals before the others even noticed they were in danger and ran off. What amazed me was how clean he remained after hunting and feeding. I looked down at my own messy clothes and wondered if one day I would be able to be as neat as he was.

After feeding, we spent another hour just running through the woods as the sun began to set, sometimes talking, sometimes remaining silent. More often than not, I would grab his hand, just to hold on to somebody. For reasons I couldn't explain, something inside of me told me that I would always be able to hold on to him, and he would always let me.

_'Cause I need, I need a hand to hold  
To hold me from the edge  
The edge I'm sliding over slow  
'Cause I need, I need Your hand to hold  
To hold me from the edge  
The edge I'm sliding past  
Hold on to me_


	9. Chapter 8: Broken

_**a/**__**n: Thank you as always for your reviews… Here is the next chapter… Enjoy **__****_

**Chapter 8: Broken**

_When you're broken in a million little pieces  
And you're trying but you can't hold on anymore  
Every tear falls down for no reason  
Don't you stop believing in yourself  
When you're broken_

When Edward and I eventually returned home, we found our family situated around the dining room table, waiting for us. From Carlisle's expression and the way Edward just barely nodded his head, I understood that they were having a silent conversation about what we were about to discuss.

"Bella," Esme smiled. "Please sit down."

Despite the kind smile Esme gave me, I was nervous about was going to be said. I didn't suspect that the Cullens sat around the dining room table just to hang out.

"Bella," Carlisle began, turning towards me. "We have been discussing what may be best for you as well as our family."

Immediately, I felt a flame of anger at the thought that they were going to decide what was best for me. I believed that I was the only one who could make that decision. However, I soon realized that this was the family that had taken me in and who had been supportive even as I killed Eric. In doing so I had also put this family in danger.

Eric. I made a silent sob as I thought about him again. Who was I that I deserved a loving family like the Cullens? His loving family lost their son forever.

I struggled to push the depressing thoughts from my mind as I began to focus on what Carlisle had to say.

"In light of certain circumstances, we feel that it is best that you are in a location with minimal human contact… At least until you become more accustomed to our diet."

"Where would that be?" I tried to keep an edge out of my voice, my guilt beginning to overwhelm my initial irritation.

"We have a residence up in a remote part of Alaska. It actually is near a coven that lives the same as we do."

Alaska? They would pick up and move to Alaska for me? I then remembered that Carlisle had said they were discussing what would be best for me and them.

"Why would it be best for you as well?" I asked. "I can't imagine picking up and moving from Forks would be good for you."

"Well," Carlisle cleared his throat even though he no physical need to do so. "You have to understand that if you…" He paused for a moment. "If you would falter again, it could bring suspicion to what has been causing the deaths and may eventually lead people back to us."

"Oh."

I would be the cause of their demise. It only seemed fitting that as a human, I brought danger to myself just by walking and now, as a vampire, I was bringing danger to others.

At that moment, I hated myself for creating a situation where my new family had to leave their comfortable existence. Carlisle was adored by the Forks hospital staff, the kids got on well enough at school, and Esme loved this house. They didn't deserve all the trouble that was brought on by my existence as a vampire. It would be better if I didn't exist in their lives at all. I briefly wondered if I could survive on my own if I left the Cullens in peace. Maybe I could find myself some vampires to travel with. It certainly would be best.

Suddenly, I felt a tiny hand on my arm. "No, Bella," Alice glared at me. "You are not leaving."

I realized that once I had a plan for leaving, Alice could see it in her mind. I was going to have to get use to not doing anything without her knowing once I had made a decision. I sighed. "I can't bear this, though."

"What do you mean?" Esme raised her eyebrows in a worried expression.

"My existence here is causing you to pick up and leave everything behind." I took my time looking around at everybody's expressions, but stopped in shock when I saw Rosalie's cold glare. It was the first time that I ever saw her upset; in the beginning, she was so supportive of me and acted as if she wanted to be friends with me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward glare at her, a low snarl coming from his lips.

I wonder what she is thinking that is making Edward react like that.

I continued, "I could never live with myself if I am the only reason why you are moving."

"We don't mind," Esme contradicted. "We love you as our own now. What is best for one member of the family is best for all."

I gasped, hearing Esme proclaimed that I was loved by the family. Well, by everybody except Rosalie, apparently. It felt wonderful to hear those words. Being immortal did not destroy my desire and need to be loved.

Carlisle reached over and squeezed his wife's hand. "Esme is right, Bella. Besides, it is only a matter of time before we would have to move on. Eventually, people would grow suspicious of our unchanging nature."

I nodded. I still felt extreme guilt, but I knew from the determined expressions that they would not be swayed. They loved me enough already to pick up everything and move. "When do you think we'll leave?"

"Hopefully within a month," Carlisle answered. "We would have to tie up loose ends; for example, the hospital needs sufficient warning that I am leaving. However, we may work something out where you and another family member will go ahead of us. After all, this is for your safety."

There he said it again. It was for my safety. They were doing this mostly for me.

"Perhaps I will go with you, Bella," Esme offered. "I really don't have many ties to this area; not like Carlisle has with the hospital and the other kids with school."

I nodded without saying a word. It did seem the best way. I needed to be far away from humans if I were to succeed at getting over my blood lust. If I stayed here any longer, there was a high probability that I would come across a human scent and I would not be able to stop myself from hunting the human. I could not imagine the guilt of ruining another family, the pain of killing somebody again.

And so it was decided. I was to leave with Esme within a day or two and the rest of the family was to meet us in Alaska within the month. As we stood to go our separate waves, Rosalie suddenly brushed passed me, hissing, "Thanks a lot."

"Rosalie," Edward practically growled at her retreating back. However, all she did was turn back to give him a glare and quickly walked away. I gave Edward a wondering look, and he merely said, "Follow me."

I walked closely behind him as he climbed two flights of stairs and led me into what I could only assume was his bedroom. Well, bedroom would be the technical term, but there actually was no bed to waste space in it.

"Wow," I gasped as I looked around at all the books and CDs he had collected. "This is incredible."

I slowly walked around the perimeter of the room, fingering his collection of CDs. Once I got to the stereo, I pressed play, interested in knowing what was in the player. To my amazement, the familiar notes of Clair de Lune filled the room.

There was silence between Edward and I as I closed my eyes let the music fill my senses. My slowly-fading memories came back to me as I listened to the haunting melody. "I love this song. Renee used to play it all the time."

"It's one of my favorites, too," Edward responded. "Do you listen to a lot of classical music?"

I shrugged my shoulders as I turned to look at him. "Renee used to play classical music all the time, and I just remember my favorites."

Silence settled between us again before I asked about Rosalie. "Why is Rosalie so mad at me?" I shuddered, remembering her glare.

Edward sighed before taking a seat on a black couch. "Rosalie is… stubborn."

"What do you mean?" I asked as I took a seat next to him.

"She doesn't necessarily like change very much. She was looking forward to spending some more years here, and she was very content with how our family was before you joined."

I shook my head, "But she seemed so kind when I first came."

"Rose was kind," he explained. "But it was mostly out of pity."

"Pity?"

"To this day, Rose believes that her mortality was taken from her. She was looking forward to a life of being a wife and a mother. As a vampire, she could be a wife, but never a mother." Edward chose his words carefully; it seemed he was torn between explaining everything to me and respecting Rosalie's privacy.

"Oh." I remembered I felt similarly the day I was turned. "So why did she feel pity for me?"

"You were turned young, as well. You never had a choice to have children either. She felt sorry that you were put in the same position as her."

"But now she's mad because my existence is forcing her family to move."

"Yes," Edward answered simply.

"I hate it, too," I whispered so softly only a vampire could hear.

"Bella, you have to accept that you are not inconveniencing us. I know right now you don't know what to believe, but what Esme said stands: what's right for one of us is right for all."

"But Rosalie is -," I attempted.

"Rosalie is selfish." He cut off my words, responding emphatically. I heard a crash downstairs that told me that Rose heard exactly what he said.

Edward gave me a crooked smile. "She knows I love her, but she also knows the faults I find with her."

I laughed slightly at his confession. I realized that when living with other vampires for a century, you probably gain intimate knowledge of what family members love and hate about you.

"Bella," Edward said softly as he took my hand in his. "Don't worry about how you changed our family. No matter what we have to change for you, it is worth it just to have a new member with us. No one but Rosalie resents you for having to move. Besides, once you are acclimated to our way of feeding, we can move to another community and start over."

"Does that mean I get to attend high school again?" I laughed at the thought.

"Yes," he smirked, "and graduate." Edward was quiet again, as if trying to listen to something. "Esme wants to leave by tomorrow afternoon," he finally disclosed.

I sighed as I looked at the clock on the wall. It was nearly midnight. I stood from my seat as I commented, "At least I don't have anything to pack."

"Actually, the clothes that Alice and Rose ordered for you arrived while you were…" Edward trailed off as he thought of the previous few days.

"Unconscious?" I finished.

"Yes," he nodded. "Well, they took it upon themselves to unpack and put everything away, so now you have to re-pack them."

"Hmph."

"Don't worry; as a vampire it doesn't take long."

"I might as well start, though." I began walking towards the door. "I guess I will see you later."

"Yep," was the only thing that Edward said.

I nearly reached the door when his voice stopped me. "Bella?"

I turned around to face him. "Yes?"

"If I don't see you before you leave, I'll miss you."

I smiled slightly at his admission. "I'll miss you, too."

Twelve hours later, Esme and I were speeding down the highway in Carlisle's Mercedes. The scenery flashed by as we headed away from Forks and I sobbed, silently and tearlessly, as I said good-bye to my past.


	10. Chapter 9: Have You Ever Seen the Rain?

_**A/N: **__Sorry this took a while… There was a mix-up with my beta. _

_Thank you all for your kind reviews. They make me happy ____ And the song here is "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" by CCR_

**Chapter Nine: Have You Ever Seen the Rain?**

_Someone told me long ago _

_There's a calm before the storm, _

_I know; It's been comin' for some time. _

_When it's over, so they say, _

_It'll rain a sunny day, _

_I know; Shinin' down like water. _

_I want to know, have you ever seen the rain? _

_I want to know, have you ever seen the rain _

_Comin' down on a sunny day? _

The first week in Alaska actually went by rather quickly. Esme was great company. She never pried into my thoughts, but she was always there when I just wanted to talk. Sometimes we talked about more serious matters, such as my feelings of guilt for the murder of Eric, but more often than not, we talked about lighter matters, from a movie we watched on TV, to the antics of "her boys" as she liked to call Emmett, Edward, and Jasper.

When we hunted, she never forced me to kill for myself. She would take down the animal and then let me feed. She told me that one day that she believed I would be ready to hunt on my own again, but until then she would do what she could to help me survive and ease the thirst raging constantly in my throat.

The house in Denali was actually a beautiful log cabin. It was smaller than the house in Forks, but still a good size larger than Charlie's house. The first floor was very open, with a cathedral ceiling in the foyer and the living room. There was a hallway lined with a banister that overlooked the first floor, and all the bedrooms were situated upstairs.

The living room was definitely one of my favorite rooms. It was decorated in a warm style, with a plush carpet, and comfortable leather furniture centered around a large fireplace that Esme kept continually lit. Along the wall were bookshelves filled with every type of book imaginable. There was also another room off of the living room that held even more books. I knew I could keep myself occupied for ages just reading.

In the corner there was another baby grand piano. I noticed that it was a Steinway. I didn't know much about pianos, but I knew enough that Steinways were one of the best made models.

Seeing this second piano, I wondered aloud if anybody played.

She looked at me and smiled. "Edward."

Of course Edward played. He was good at everything. I was surprised to feel almost sad that he hadn't told me himself.

Sighing, I wondered if I would ever be good enough for Edward and the rest of the Cullens.

"Girls! What a surprise!" I heard Esme greet somebody from where I was sitting in the library.

"We could say the same for you," a musical voice laughed in reply. "It's good to see you."

"We came by and saw that somebody was in the house, and we wondered if the Cullens had finally returned!" Another ringing voice answered.

"Well, not all the Cullens have returned yet, Kate. The rest are expected within the next several weeks. But where are my manners? Come in and make yourself comfortable!"

I heard several sets of soft footsteps as the group of ladies made their way to the living room. I heard them sit down before Esme asked to be excused for a brief moment. By the sound of her footsteps, I knew she was coming towards the library, so I put away the book I was reading and went to meet her at the door.

I wasn't necessarily in the mood to meet anybody new, but I hated to be rude, especially to friends of Esme.

"Bella!" Esme gasped when I opened the door. "I was coming to get you!"

"I heard," I replied. "I hear we have visitors."

"Yes. And if you don't mind, I would like for you to meet them. They are another group of vampires like us, who only drink from animals."

"I would love to meet them." Esme did not need to know that my nerves forced a slight lie that behind that comment.

"Good," she grinned. "Let me just let them know that you are with me, and then you can come in to meet them. I need to warn them that you are still a newborn."

"Oh?"

"Usually newborns are not as calm as you are, Bella. They need to be prepared that they do not need to be as on edge as they would be with any other vampire."

"Oh." I did not feel very calm, though. With my recent killing and the never-ending thirst, I wondered if I would ever feel tranquility.

Esme squeezed my hand quickly before turning to return to her guests.

"Is there somebody with you?" a third voice with a slight accent asked as Esme entered the room. "I did not recognize the voice."

Esme cleared her throat, even though it was not physically necessary before she spoke. "We have a new addition to the family."

I heard gasps of surprise from the women as they all asked about my origins.

"She was actually…" she paused as if to choose the correct word. "…a friend of Edward's in school. She was fatally injured in a car crash, and so we changed her."

"Edward? Friends? With a _human_?" the first voice was incredulous.

Esme did not say anything, but I heard the slight movement of her nodding. "She is a newborn, but is quite controlled for one. I would like to introduce her to you, but I wanted to let you know that there is no need to be overly cautious with her."

"Well, show her in!" the accented voice exclaimed happily. "We would love to meet the newest Cullen."

"Bella," Esme said quietly, knowing I could hear her.

With that cue, I made my way into the living room and saw four of the most beautiful women all smiling at me. The woman closest to me had a beautiful olive complexion with long dark hair. By her appearance, I assumed that she was the woman who spoke with an accent. When she greeted me, my assumption was confirmed. Her name was Carmen.

The other three women were all unimaginably tall, with the fairest of complexions. All had long blonde hair, although the farthest from me had her hair in curls and there was a slight strawberry tint to her hair. Their names were Kate, Irina, and Tanya.

The former two greeted me with friendly smiles with a simple "hello," but Tanya took my hand in both of hers and stated, "Bella! We have heard so much of you!"

Shocked, I asked, "Excuse me?"

"Edward traveled here a while ago, trying to get away from a Bella and his thirst for her blood. I am assuming this is you?"

"Oh!" I gasped. "Yes, he told me about when he first met me."

"Well, I guess now he doesn't want to suck your blood now, does he?" Tanya winked.

I made a nervous giggle, a little anxious with the friendly way Tanya was treating me.

However, just as I was going to turn to sit down, I noticed a sadness in Tanya's eyes, and I wondered what could have possibly prompted such emotion in a beautiful woman.

Despite my earlier unease, I grew to enjoy the almost daily visits from the group of women. I learned that Carmen had a mate named Eleazor, but the three remaining vampires had no mates.

They truly seemed interested in me, although I sometimes suspected it had to do with the fact that I was like a new toy. They asked about my life as a human and what I enjoyed doing in my never-ending free time. They wondered what types of books I read and what music I listened to. They also asked me what my relationship to Edward was before the change.

"I… I… I don't know," I stuttered to find the words. "At first he hated me for my scent, but even after he learned to push my scent from his mind, he did not talk to me much."

They then wondered what would persuade Edward to turn me, and I confessed that I thought about that often as well.

Tanya, Kate, and Irina seemed to be like Alice in terms of loving fashion. They constantly tried to dress me up like a doll despite my objections that looking nice wasn't really necessary when we were out in the middle of nowhere. Carmen and Esme didn't actively participate in the "Barbie days" as I liked to call them, but as they watched my fashion shows with laughter on their faces, they did nothing to discourage the blondes' fun with me.

Despite my vocal protests, I was secretly growing to enjoy thir dressing and pampering. I missed Alice and the way they doted over me reminded me of her. Thinking of Alice, though, only made me think of the others, especially Edward, and I wondered when they were to return to us.

There was something about the women that made me trust them. Perhaps it was because I knew they were long time friends of the Cullens, or the comforting golden color of their eyes. I even accompanied them while hunting when Esme did not need to feed again. They never protested or chided me when I told them I was uncomfortable with killing an animal myself.

And so the next two weeks passed with the happy company of my new friends, and of course Esme. They kept me so occupied; I barely had time to dwell on the fact that I missed Edward as much as I did.

But every day brought me closer back to my reunion with the rest of the Cullens.

"What do you think Esme?" Kate asked as I grudgingly showcased my new outfit.

"I think she's beautiful," Esme gave her usual soft smile.

For once, I was not really aggravated with the outfit they put on me. It only consisted of a pair of skinny jeans and a blue blouse. It was much better than some of the skimpy skirts or dresses they put on me.

Suddenly, the sound of car tires on the gravel driveway reached our ears. Instantly, a wide grin appeared on Esme's face. "My family's home!"

Impatiently, we waited for the remainder of the Cullens to enter the house. Suddenly, the door slammed open and Alice, the ever bouncing pixie, practically hopped into the room followed by Jasper.

Suddenly, she was in my arms, giving me a stronger hug than she looked capable of. "Bella! I missed you!" She released me just as quickly as she bounded into my arms and one by one, she greeted our friends. Jasper followed behind her, fittingly greeting me in a much more calm manner.

I smiled as Carlisle was the next to enter and immediately went to his wife, whom he embraced as if he spent much longer than a month away from his mate.

Rosalie came in next, barely giving me a nod before warmly greeting our Alaskan friends. Emmett entered at Rosalie's side, but he came over to give me a huge bear hug, saying, "I missed you kiddo."

And finally, the one person who I missed the most, although I did not want to admit it, entered. His face immediately broke into a grin as he saw me and he drew me into a hug.

"You look good, Bella," he whispered. "I think Alaska was good for you."

If I had still been human, I would have blushed at his complement, but I could only whisper a "thank you," before he released me from the hug.

As I reluctantly let go, I caught a glimpse of Tanya's face as she stared at Edward and me. The sadness I had seen in her eyes the first day I met her had returned at an even more profound level. And then it dawned on me.

_ Tanya is in love with Edward._


End file.
